i was informed that i needed to actually write in this journal. i think pictures say it all :) but "we need to know whats going on in there" (pointing to a relatively weightless piece of matter, aka my brain hehe). so here we go.

it was refreshing to whiz past the welcome to Queens sign today. i so need a taste of the big apple. and im sitting in my basement surrounded by all this extra furniture as Rafal works on renovating our storage room. its looking great, but i wish he'd close the garage cause its freeeezing in here.
scranton has not been boring lately, its been a lil bit of an adventure everyday. the Crew's had some pretty great times....there's still alot of laughter from my bday week. i am a little floored though by some folks though, especially all those of the past that have re-appeared somehow. when i mean past i mean last semester, and last week!! and freshmen year. senior scramble. everyone's coming around and saying things or admitting to things that is cool to say now cause we're on the way to parting our ways. but honestly, there is some toolish behavior that needs to stop. i must find a cure.

Why does hello feel like goodbye? These memories can't replace/These wishes I wished and dreams I chased. i still read your journal...the entries that i starred in aren't even in the archives anymore and it wasn't that long ago. is this moving on? maybe so. still. doesn't it suck when people you met and had an awesome time with find that the best way to enjoy and appreciate that is to not speak to you anymore? i don't understand the whole "ex" thing. im not an "ex" anything, since i never titled any relationship that way. its only recently that i can actually say the word relationship, or at least phatom the potential of one. and even more slowly, but nevertheless surely i'm beginning to accept the c-word, (that starts with that letter and ends in omittment). this dude at the bar wanted to burn the hat i was wearing last night because it reminded him of his ex. such animosity! i never would want to feel like that about anyone...regardless of the toolish behavior...but i suppose that can't be helped. its a feeling that comes when people disappoint us and don't fall into our lines of expectation.

ah well. party on. big plans this weekend! i am now going upstairs to eat an amazing home cooked meal by my parents. updates on sunday!

group shot 

pretty :) 

group hug! 

good times 

the CrEw 

mulberry strip 

dance 

bdaying 

dancing :) 

jesus mary and joseph! or maybe just jesus 

haha 

lil fuzzy 

a toast to Valentine's  

real good friends

1. share their inhalor with you when the smoke in the bar gets too thick for you to breath
2. play along with any game, even if its "lets see if we can fit in the washers and dryers"
3. take pictures of you at your BEST, so that way when things are a little fuzzy the next morning you have kodak moments of you in all your glory ;)
4. warn you when "danger" approaches
5. help you figure out those mystery cell phone numbers in your cell that just somehow appeared
6. sit and re-cap and analyze those events that perhaps were a little fuzzy, or even just simply complicated
7. move you away from people that are not worth your time
8. push you towards the people that are worth your time
9. tell you to stop drinking if you are done for, or even drink your drinks for you
10. walk you home and call you repeatedly to make sure you are safe and have not wandered off elsewhere
11. actually listen to those voicemails where you repeated yourself 5x or talked eagerly about bananas or bowling balls
12. survey the scene with you and laugh at all the drama that is Scranton!
13. pick you up when you are down! literally :)
14. don't dis your pink polka dot obsession
15. go to another bar with you just because you're not feeling the crowd
16. assist you with any article of clothing that has somehow come undone
17. make sure you have a buddy
18. keep tabs on you that you are happy and feeling well
19. have "water fights", just because
20. stand up for you if you get smacked
21. pretend to be your significant other in times of need
22. never shake their head at you if you are dancing like a fiend, but rather bop along to your beat
23. celebrate your birthday everyday

AND THE LIST GOES ON!

thank you all, you know who you are :)

I just wanna sing a song with you

oh i've been thinking about napping for the past 1/2 hour or so as i've been typing up a paper. yesterday i had the BEST nap. it was so great and fulfilling. so now i want to experience that again, but if i try to hard, i know for a fact that it just wont happen again. like someone might knock on my door just as i hit that REM stage and then i'll be done for. with things like sleep, you can't force the experience. it just has to happen.

i can relate that to my night out last night. was gonna go to wilkes to club but i was on my feet for way too many hours at the hospital and didn't feel like driving out. so instead i went up to a local establishment here with my friends and we had such a silly ol time! im not sure where the energy to dance came from but it showed up. we expected nothing, and in return we had a great time :)

last night i ran into this dude who i was "talking" to four years ago. he once bought me a bouquet of roses and i can't even remember why he did that or what the occassion was. one weekend he ended up in jail! obviously things didn't really blossem after that. its so funny though to stop and sit back and ponder how differently life could have turned out. i shudder a little and realize that its better not to overthink that. and its cool that you can look back on some things and smile (or at least not cringe..hehe...no regrets here!).

so i flew over two major hurdles with my college career this past week and feel like things are alot more under control. and as far as the social-life aspect of things and all the drama that has occurred here, i have been reminded there are some things that ARE just completely out of our control. emotions are one of those things. so pick and chose your battles! seriously. life's too short and precious.



Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to rhyme
Out of the doubt that fills my mind
I somehow find, you and I collide
I'm quiet, you know
You make a first impression
I've found I'm scared to know
I'm always on your mind
Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the stars refuse to shine
Out of the back you fall in time
I somehow find, you and I collide

uncomplicatingly complicated

ok within the past week and one day of first semester it became extremely difficult to see the future. i know im not the only senior nursing major to complain of being somewhat overburned with work, but in addition to that im having some difficulty putting it all together and making things happen. there are some distinct obstacles that are starting to appear to possibly block the path to graduation and even though its only a threat now...could it become a reality?

i'd first say oh no way we'd all graduate, but the department lays a heavy smackdown on screwups, even the small ones.

so i'm trying really hard here.

we may not see the future, but man we sure can look back on the past. today's lunch table discussion really shot back to some pretty awesome past experiences at scranton ;)

and i'm sooo psyched about our mccormick/gannon sweatshirts that we picked out today!

oh, and before i close down for the night, i gotta add a comment about my last blog. SO much drama lately, and now i hear it wasn't just me and some of my beloveds. its basically everyone. lotsa stuff going on here in GLM and eVerywhere...why? spring fever came early?

so in response to the dilemma i'd just want to say that any comforting distraction to the chaos is always welcome :)

bye bye bye

can we say....boh?

honestly, scranton has never been more confusing. tonight you would never know who was dating who, or who was dating anyone at all. it just seemed a jumbled mess and if you made it home without ending up in an argument with whomever you came out with...it was good. and when i go out at home clubbing i'd be out for at least an additional 3 more hours..we'd dance, we'd be listening to this amazing music, and go home feeling fulfilled with having a great time. so it makes me wonder, four years later, what is the difference between this college town and a big ol city like the big apple?? why do things get soooo confused here? AND why is everybody up in everybody's business?

first real weekend of second semester

I made it to Friday! I felt like a walking definition of anxiety this whole week. I never get stressed out on tests. Papers don't usually phase me that much because I like to write. Nevertheless this week everything came on at once. I guess it is different because I have all my three nursing clinical rotation lectures going on at the same time (the past three years we've had one two, and one was for seven weeks and then the other took its place). so its actually hard to remember what class i'm suppose to be going to! at the same time i'm also trying to squeeze in my licensing exam review (haven't started yet) and get some more progress on my future career. plus i need to concentrate on the regular schoolwork at hand. my first day at CMC went better than I imagined it would. I did enough research on my preps to know what was going on. And since I haven't been around my floor so much since I've been on the road or in the hospital I made some fruit snacks covered in chocolate for the McCormick/Gannon girls and we at least got to see each other for a few moments.....and chocolate+strawberries=yummyness.

so wait; why am i anxious now? senior year? i think it is because i no longer have a fallback and i'm expected to have it all together. i think its possible i sort of do have it together. but then once i assume that something falls apart....so ok, no jinxing anything tonight; i do repeat, i survived the week.

i always like being busy and juggling alot on my plate but this time dissappearing to a nice warm island seemed to be the best solution. but i was reminded again that all obstacles have some kind of path around them, even if it means hurling yourself into some pretty nasty challenges. Assuming I passed my dosage calc. test a second time around and I'm still enrolled in clinicals, i got done what i needed to do with a little schedule re-routing. And one thing for sure the adrenalin rush at the end of a really busy day makes you not only feel great but makes you want to attempt 10,000 other things.

And thats the way I like it.

If you aren't going to step up to the plate

I’m not going to drag you to it!

So the past 48 hours were not so great. Even the Garden State Soundtrack that always hums me to sleep had to be spun a few extra times just to calm my anxious nerves. It’s been Murphy’s Law to the max lately; whatever can go wrong will go wrong. A huge Coca Cola truck barred my exit from the parking lot today for over 20 minutes. And I parked across the street from a nice lot where I SHOULD be parked, BUT its full of commuter cars during the day! (ah, how empty it was over intercession).

I forgot my calculator for my dosage calc. test today.

And honestly…this Leadership Clinical…I don’t like the idea of having to create patient assignments for my own fellow nursing students!
I do NOT feel ready for this.

And my birthday plans are getting a little bogged down. Senior retreat is that weekend so I dunno where we all will be if some of us go or some of us stay. And my nursing practice test (I just found out) is on that same Friday afternoon Its like one event is blocking another…

With insecurity swarming all around me and digging into my inner core, there’s a quote that comes to mind…As we drive along this road called life, occasionally a gal will find herself a little lost. And when that happens, I guess she has to let go of the coulda, shoulda, woulda, buckle up and just keep going." -Sarah Jessica parkers of S&TC. This is fitting for the moment, and thats just what I'm gonna have to do! And one thing for sure, if the going gets tough, I have some contacts that always help me toughen up. THANK YOU, you know who you are ;)

and P.S. i'm not going to go into what the title of this blog means. the energy is going to be conserved for other, more serious and timeworthy matters.