Id live in a bubble if I could but Im trying to support your endeavors instead

I am still a bit shocked and surprised, and so what else can I do but blog it out.

I just can't wrap my mind around the idea that a really good friend of mine who I have been graciously lucky to have gotten to know over the past couple of months is going in two days to help with the devastation in Haiti. Yes, it is a heroic gesture perfectly fitting for the high moral and chivalrous code that this person upholds...but really?? do you HAVE to throw yourself in the middle of danger? Ah I know, its what Jesus would do...

And as right as it is, it is still wrong in my mind to support this trip. The TIMES magazine article I was reading earlier commented on the recent event in Haiti stating "tragedy has a way of visiting those who can bear it least", which in turn justifies the concept that if you have all these wonderful talents and skills to help and save, why are you keeping them to yourself and not sharing them with the world? I myself am not going to Port-au-Prince. I can barely walk on New York City concrete let alone be of any use in an area that has turned into a war zone. So kudos to you, my friend, who is making such a leap.....if I do not sound enthusiastic and fall far short of being a cheerleader for you in this endeavor, its not that I dont believe in what you are capable of, I am just being SELFISH and WORRIED about someone Ive grown so fond of. Within the past 24 hours of realizing what you are going to do, you've pulled me out of my own personal bubble of the-world-is-perfect-cause-i-make-it-so and my eyes are open to the idea of altruism in its most authentic and selfless form giving back to people who have lost so much. GODSPEED!!

windows of opportunity

I havent heard that expression in a long time..."move fast or we will lose the window". Window of opportunity. I always wanted to be one of those people that didn't have to wait for windows...or would get kicked out through the front door and climb through the window no matter what. I act too slow and think too long. And then I think BACKwards about all the theoretical windows that really did close.

I sat at my Ikea table today (which wasnt put together by a Viking, no, rather, I did it!) and Sosh and I ran through a few of those A and B scenarios...if you did this instead of that, what would your end result be?

Even more relavant...if you look to the future and try to determine the consequences of your choices...well...sometimes picking an option doesnt even get anywhere near where you thought you would be. .

Or instead, what if I am done making decisions for a while?...What if I simply sit back and see which doors open for me. Ok, so the windows are all staying open and Im going to sit and enjoy the breeze and if a door opens...we'll take it from there.

At Least We Know what to Expect When Armageddon Comes*

We’re usually not prepared for the end of the world, but I have come to find that it is good to be reasonable prepared for end-of-the-world type scenarios that can occur at any given moment. Here is a list of things that I have decided are very important having.

1. An extra drivers license. Or an extra identity for that matter.
2. The 1800 numbers on all your credit cards so you can cancel them in case you lose them.
3. A Facebook account that is accessible to the public with at least your first and last name, so that if you lose #1 or 2, some kind, compassionate person can seek you out and get those items back to you.
4. Extra spare tires, in case at least three go in or around the same time.
5. Access to emotional support on speed dial. If you lose your phone, perhaps also just having general access to those who support you most to get you through your time of need.


I think that is about it….You can list water as a necessity, perhaps even alcohol or food too. Please feel free to use this list for your own resource needs or add to it.


*Disclaimer. Thanks Soshini, after a solid conversation on dream interpretation, for providing this title.

Solar Twist

Today, October 4, 2009, I went to the Pulaski Day parade. Though it would have been any ordinary Sunday, when I compare this year to last year, and then the year before that, I can see exactly how my life has changed.

Thankfully, I have introspective people in my life who also like to walk down memory lane and compare and contrast these events we keep returning to.

As I thought about today, and last year, and the past few weeks I realized that since the end of summer 2008 entering the Fall season of this year I have come FULL CIRCLE. Events repeated themselves...ironically in a similar fashion...the Scranton NYC Boat Cruise, the Pulaski parade, re-turn trips to Eagle Lake and sitting in almost the same spot viewing what could have easily come off as looking like the same sunset. Events repeated themselves in an almost identical pattern...an identical cast and crew with variations in thought, feelings, and determinations.

When I returned home tonight, I saw how tremendous the moon looked. It was freakishly large, and then I thought of how the sun rises from a different vantage point each day as the seasons change. Due to the tilt of the earth's axis and how we twirl around the sun, the same cosmic bodies always appear different. The sunrise along the East River as my work ends in the CCU is never the same each morning....just like my milestones may be the same events...but pushing me on a clearly different course.

And so I must imply, as I re-start my blog again almost three years after my last entry, that life, regardless of its up and downs, is really like a dance...an incredible Solar Twist where we have to return again and again to the places we have been only to be able to go further from where we are. I have always believed that life moves in circles but only now do I understand how the circle gets larger and small in orbit so that even when we do come around again it is never the same. Sometimes we twist towards the light, and other times its shadows. Although we cannot control this constant movement of time, we can decide how large or small our circle could be. Hopefully not setting the stage for a major cosmic collision...(ouch!...it happens)...we can demand and determine, to a certain extent, whose orbit we want to overlap with.


Stay tuned for more written thoughts...it is about time I re-started this blogger. After all, life zips around in such an incredible fast pace that if I dont record some of it, it might just ball up into a fuzzy haze of craze. Here is to more milestones and getting it better and better each time!

answers we're not wise enough to see

He said, Son why you got to sing that tune
Catch a Dylan song or some eclipse of the moon
Let an angel swing and make you swoon Then you will see...
You will see Then he said,
Here's a riddle for you Find the Answer
There's a reason for the world You and I...
... Who am I? There are secrets that we still have left to find There have been mysteries from the beginning of time There are answers we're not wise enough to see He said... You looking for a clue I Love You free... The batter swings and the summer flies As I look into my angel's eyes A song plays on while the moon is high over me Something comes over me I guess we're big and I guess we're small If you think about it man you know we got it all Cause we're all we got on this bouncing ball And I love you free I love you freely Here's a riddle for you Find the Answer There's a reason for the world You and I...

Add or delete?

So i just took a quiz at quizgalaxy.com, and the definition for Natalie is

Natalie --[noun]:A person of questionable sanity who starts their own cult

Well glad to see that some things haven't changed.

Besides that reinforcement, today I took to spring cleaning. I went through all my shoes, CD's, my cell phone, address book and buddy list. Anything that I havent worn, listened to or heard from over the past year got tossed. Letting go is a good thing. We have to do it. As the seasons change, so too does our taste and our need. Its always a little tough letting go, especially when it comes to cell phone numbers because you just never know when a blast from the past decides to leave you drunken texts messages with sentences even more subliminal than they were months before. But at age 23, I've come to terms with the fact that if someone really wants to be in your life, they will make every effort to try, no matter the space between. Anything less....peace OUT.

While the month of June is involving some deletions out of my life, the prior month of May included some wonderful additions of new artistic explorations and ideas. ohh it was great....you know what is cool about European architecture? They do not destroy old stuff. Maybe the American way is too quick to take down the old things that don't fit our current want and desire. Europeans on the other hand keep what they have at the root and build up around it. Check out these photos I took..you'll see exactly what I mean.....

see below: old building next to new in Antwerp.......Roman arch right next to Goth arch.....modern pyramidal structure amidst a former King's palace.








The mix of the old and new is extraordinary. There were some churches I walked around in that were built in the 10th century AC, and then around the 13th, 14th, and 15th centuries the churches was expanded from on top of what was already standing there. A Polish woman from whom I bought belgian lace from was telling me that the city has rules that do not allow any architect to touch old buildings, and if they repair anything it takes forever since everything has to be put back just the way it was. In America we sure do seem to like bulldozers and starting from scratch. I guess our histories don't go that deep. Still, there is some advice to take from across the pond. But the debate goes on. The Parisians seem to be in an eternal conflict towards whether that Eiffel tower belongs where it is and if the glass pyramid adds to the grandeur of the Louvre or throws off the aesthetics. Of course when it comes to ones own life you yourself have to decide what to keep and what to move on from.

I'm booked til August

what is Time?

Webster's dictionary defines it as: 1. period during which something exists or continues or can be accomplished 2. the point at which something happens

Scientists have refered to time as the fourth deimension, which is just a whole other philosophical debate. My favorite singer/songwriters Jack Johnson embraces the tree-huugging-fresh-air-chugging idea "there is no such thing as time". Some of us like to think of time in terms of how frequently we need dye our hair to cover up our roots. In New York City we all know that TIME is MONEY.

All over the world, we find that time is marked in milestones often referred to as firsts. First set of training wheels, first car, first kiss, first real job...and so forth. Time and time again we sit in class or at work staring at the clock wishing it to move faster, and suddenly we look back and years have flown by. Didn't we just start college? Wasn't I just studying for that Latin test in high school?

I think one of my best markers of time was the past Friday when I met up with my old diaper-buddy, Adam (seee.....told ya I'd blog about this).. We acknowledged the fact that we once shared a crib, and hung out from time to time when our ages were still in the single digits. and now over two decades later I'm standing at Salooon looking around wondering what my old friend looked like and whether I'd even recognize him and if he'd recognize me...realizing that its been a while and man...we've got some catching up to do!

I can honestly say I'm satisfied with where my 23 years have led me so far. Of course there's still so much to do. I find myself constantly planning new things, picking new places to travel, and establisheding new resolutions always believing that YeS....this year really WILL be the best. How do you measure a year?, was the theme of RENT which I saw a few weeks ago, and thats something i've yet to figure out....So far since January I've already seen two broadway shows, visited Mexico, gone to a bocelli concert, and tried numerous new restaurants and bars...plus caught up with some very special people in my life. In May, June and July I have a trip to Europe planned, a wedding, a Madonna concert, possible a camping trip, and two distinguished road trips with my best pals. Life is what happens when you're busy making other plans. But then I wonder by the end of next year, how will I be measuring it?

...hopefully with still the same enthusiasm that all things are possible with a little brainstorming and good people to help you live it up each day.